Tricia Karp Tricia Karp
13 November 2012

What you don’t say

2012-07-28 Zomercarnaval Rotterdam 2012
It’s so easy to hide.

Apart from your beliefs about what you should and shouldn’t say – buying in to other people’s opinions, ideals and expectations – the world offers a plethora of theme parks bursting with temptation to keep you disconnected from yourself.

Supermarket aisles with pre-packaged food containing ingredients denoted by numbers and letters that have no correlation to anything that could possibly emerge from the earth.  A sure fire recipe for disconnection.

Shopping malls with stores screaming in bright red to buy now and save up to 50%.  Fill your wardrobe with more clothes because it feels so good to spend, to have, to look fabulous.  And temporarily fill the void.

Stuffing your face to hide from whatever it is you don’t want to feel.  Exercising like mad to try to reach the nirvana of physical ‘perfection.’  And let’s not forget sex, work, alcohol, drugs, sugar, rushing, TV, caffeine, housework, busy-ness, the internet, and all other forms of possible avoidance and addiction.

To know what you want to say, to speak about what really matters, you have to learn first to connect with yourself.

It sounds obvious but isn’t easy.  Those stifling and strangling opinions, ideals and expectations you live by?  It takes work to slash through them to your core.

To ask for what you want, to execute a beautiful no, to quit apologising for yourself, you have to know your truth.

Presence = power = ditching the shackles and accessing your freedom to start expressing yourself – and your life – on your terms.

Then, the words you don’t want to say for fear of judgment and not being seen as nice become easier to speak.

Words like this:

Being a mother is the most disappointing thing I’ve done in my life.

There are times when I resent my kids.

My job that so many other women would kill for doesn’t mean anything to me.  It’s soul-sucking.

I detest sex.  It’s messy and icky.  I’d be happy if I never had to have sex.

I’m terrified that when I see that man who treated me so terribly I’ll still love him and want to go back to him.

I wish I’d never had kids.

I eat two packets of Tim Tams every night in the bathroom so no-one sees me.

Fill in the blanks:

There’s freedom in speaking up, dropping the urge to justify and shame yourself, and owning it.  Your words also help other women give themselves permission to be real.  Your words give them space to allow their truth to start to emerge from their depths. What a gift that is.  It doesn’t need a big red bow either.

What don’t you say?  Are you willing to be brave and share it with us in the comments?

I talk about all this and lots more in She Speaks.  Just pop your details in the box below to get my newsletter every week or so.



 

Photo credit: Qsimple 

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