Tricia Karp Tricia Karp
01 September 2015

We want to matter. Turn towards us

Did you know, according to scientific research, that couples need to “turn towards” each other at least 87 per cent of the time for their relationship to happily continue – and last?

That research was conducted by the famous Gottman Institute, and a recent article about “turning towards” sparked my thinking about all sorts of things, not least of which what percentage is necessary at work, too, to ensure engaged and happy staff who won’t walk out the door?

In our relationships, we make bids for attention, affirmation, and affection. We make bids by smiling, offering or asking for help, by asking questions, sharing stories, showing interest and concern.

We easily miss bids when we’re too busy doing something else to notice, or care (put down your smartphone!), or putting people last.

How often are you turning towards the people who matter to you? How well is that working for you? For them?

What can you do to get better at turning towards? (Hint: Noticing a bid and then simply listening will often do the trick)

We’re hungry to feel as though we matter, truly and deeply – at home and at work.

 

 

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